Higher Ground

directed by Vera Farmiga (2011)

This is Vera Farmiga's directorial debut, and she also stars in this exploration of faith and religion.  It's based on the book, This Dark World, a memoir authored by Carol S. Briggs.  It has the mundane ordinariness of a real person's story rather than the high drama of made up conflict, but that doesn't make it less interesting.  In fact I found it a very rewarding watch.  The heart of the flick centres on Corinne Walker's (Farmiga) struggle with faith, belief, and dogma.  The film tracks her religious journey starting right from childhood when she accepts Jesus into her heart at bible camp.  I could relate to that scene.  I went to bible camp the summer I was 10, and I felt such pressure there to embrace a fundamentalist faith.  I wanted to believe so bad I almost convinced myself I did.  I so wanted to belong to that Christian cult, and I really did want Jesus to live in my heart too.  I remember how they told me how I'd burn in hell if I didn't believe, and that saddled me with guilt and shame. I didn't want to be a sinner damned to hell.  I felt inadequate and ashamed because I bought into their propaganda, but when they told me I was a sinner, that only resonated because I already felt unsure of myself.  That's the default mode of the modern human condition,  and it's part and parcel of growing up that you feel inadequate and unsure of who you are or how to define yourself.  And that uncertainty and fear and plasticity of identity is what religion, especially Christianity capitalises on, at least the more fundamentalist branches of Christianity really push that whole shame thing down your throat with the idea of original sin.

And what is up with original sin anyhow?  It seems like such contrived bullshit to me.  The idea is just silly! When I see animals or children doing their thing,  the absurdity of sin as a concept becomes so obvious, because kids and animals are just natural, and wild, and free, and sin has no place in their actions.  I don't thin either kids or animals ponder much on the morality of their actions.  Perhaps they do, but original sin?  Come on, that idea seems entirely man made.  In fact, morals, ethics, all that jazz, are just so much ideas and abstraction borne of self aware consciousness.

Back to the movie though...

Vera has a whole lot happen in her life, not big bad things, just general life kinda stuff that makes her question religion and the validity of doubt, or rather the validity of faith.  At least that's what I got out of the film.  There's a great scene at the end where she does a monologue on her gradual acceptance of her doubt, and to me that was much more liberating and enlightening than the dogmatic ritual of the faithful could ever be.  I even agreed with her envy of their faith. I used to wish I could have that comfort and assuredness that seems to come with belief.  I just don't seem to have that in me though.

Yeah, I am a doubting Thomas, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  In fact, I think there's a whole lot more right with being a doubter than there is right about being a believer.  I could be wrong about that, but it's not that important.  I'm content being a questioner; it fits me better than zealotry.

I liked the soundtrack a whole lot too..  There's a bunch of gospel musics, many of them sung by Ollabelle and the lovely voiced Amy Helm. 

Farmiga sings some too and she's got a good voice as well, but what I've always noticed first about her is the way she looks.  Not to take away from her achievements as an actor/director, either.  I just think she's gorgeous and that her looks would fit well in period pieces.  I always get the feeling of the past and art models when I see her, a Pre-Raphaelite or maybe a Vermeer.  She's a Botticelli on the band-shell, performing gospels in the this flick.