Stoker

directed by Chan-Wook Park (2013)

I got to see this knowing only that it was directed by the same guy who did Oldboy, and that Nicole Kidman was in it.  I saw the poster going in so I knew that Mia Wasikowska was in it too, but everything else was a surprise.  I'd suggest you go into it knowing as little as possible, because I just watched the trailer, and even though it doesn't completely destroy the plot, it does give away a whole lot of key points. Besides, knowing NOTHING is by far the best way to see any movie anyhow.  So go watch it before you read the rest of this, because I'm gonna spoil shit because I feels like it.  Fair warning eh?

It's guilty of the usual crimes when it comes to movies and mental illness - the crazy folk are killers, and the killers are crazy, because they have cold moms who didn't love them right - well at least one of the killers has a mom who's a fucking cold hearted bitch - the dad was ok seems like.

But I dunno, sure was like he was doing a Dexter's dad kinda deal, teaching his daughter how to channel her kill crazy impulses by taking her out hunting where she could kill animals instead of harming people.  I guess that's a compassionate thing though?

The dad's funeral is what starts the flick off, so the daughter doesn't have him dragging her out for that bird killing outlet anymore, and immediately her crazy uncle, (played so very well in a disquieting performance by Matthew Goode), is on the scene.  And you know he's crazy from the get go.  He is seriously the creepiest uncle ever.  Uncle Fester was a sweetheart in disguise, but this guy is an all-American Psycho - all slick rich dude with the nice clothes, and a dead eyed psychopath smile - just gave me the heebie jeebies from the first scene.  Psycho killer qu'est ce que - he even parlez vous francais!!

He kinda looks like the dude from Beverly Hills 90210 - the guy from Vancouver, Jason Priestly.  Joe was saying that he should have been played by Tom Cruise, because watching Nicole Kidman and her ex square off? Damn rights people would have payed to see that! And yeah that's true, and yeah the guy kinda looks like Tom, but he looks like a lot of other actors too.  He's got a clean cut, rich guy swagger, with mental edges, that any number of actors have pulled off.  Anyhow, he did a great job, but so did Kidman, and especially Mia Wasikowska.

Alden Ehrenreich, from Beautiful Creatures who was doing his best Jack Nicholson, or maybe he was doing Christian Slater?  He's got a small part playing a nice guy who turns into an asshole rapist - or does he?   Because the unreliable omniscient narrator aspect of the film, while making things interesting, it wasn't good for coherent storytelling.  I dunno if Mia's memories going back and forth in time, if that was stylistic bullshit, or if it created more tension through ambiguity, or if I'm just not getting something.

Anyhow, it sure seemed like the girl was a chip off her crazy uncle's gene block.

Ooo! I have to mention the music.  There were 3 great uses of music.  One was the final scene song - she kills the sheriff and talks about sailing off into the sunset to a creepy power grrrl rap kinda lyric,

The scene where Nicole Kidman is seducing her BIL to Lee Hazelwood's Summer Wine - this is heard again when Kidman is reminiscing on that conquest while listening to an iPod, and the daughter is maybe gonna kill her?  "Sometimes you need to do something bad to stop you from doing something worse."

Finally when Mia and her uncle duet on the piano - or do they?  This is another one of those scenes where you're wondering - did that happen or did she just think that?  What just happened again???

I found the piano duet scene excruciating.  It was erotic and gross both.  Squicky AND sexy, at the same time!  Confusing!!! Urghmm?

I found a mixcloud that streamed the whole soundtrack - at least the musics by Clint Mansell, but it's not working anymore.  Still, the musics be worthy eh?

It was a great movie, not moral or anything.  Lurid as fuck actually.  As I said right after, when asked what I thought,  "If you're gonna make a movie about killers, you could do much worse."  I liked it. Super tension, especially near the end.

The Apparition

written and directed by Todd Lincoln (2012)

Horror films have a fairly low threshold to reach in terms of being entertaining.  All they need a premise that puts people in danger and this premise doesn't even have to make much sense as long as the characters are threatened somehow. This flick has that basic apparatus in place and provides serviceable scares, but it's not great by any means.  Spoilers follow...

It starts off with grainy 70's film stock of a seance, then whoosh,  you're in modern times watching some college kids, while they set up an experiment recreating the seance of the 70's.  The leader of the ill advised paranormal ghost hunt is Patrick, played by Tom Felton, aka Draco Malfoy, so you know he's not going to be able to handle what happens eh?  Anyhow, they're trying to contact the same 70's seance entity to PROVE that ghosts are really real.  He's a super spooky looking dude who isn't give a backstory, so I don't even remember his name.   I dunno why they'd want to contact such an evil looking bastard.  I know you can't judge a book by it's cover, but c'mon dude looks straight up EVIL.  Of course, it goes off the rails wrong, and one of them, not Draco, gets sucked into blackness.

Next you're getting acquainted with a couple in some desert city, Arizona or Nevada, maybe it's California, but it doesn't really matter where.  All that matters it's a big ole suburb that Kelly and Ben have just moved into, and it's basically full of empty houses - they have ONE neighbour.  Aside from the product placement purpose of the Costco shopping scenes,  why are all these shots of the Kristen Stewartish girl, (Ashley Greene), and her boyfriend, (Sebastian Stan), doing their just moved in, need to do some nesting chores, taking up so much screen time?  In a good film, stuff like this is character development.  Scenes that show them doing everyday people things, establish the protagonists and clue you into caring about them.  This is an important step, because you need to care about the film folk, otherwise seeing them getting threatened isn't nearly as spooky.  Make connection with audience.  Check...barely.  Now on to the spooks!

The progression of the haunting was slooow and the entity has random abilities.  First it's moving stuff around, opening doors and then it manifests as mold.  Ooooo gross! Mold!  That stuff really is deadly, ya know.  Also the entity manages to kill the neighbour's  dog.  The dog just keels over so it wasn't gross, just sad.  I thought it was mean to kill off a dog, but I guess it made the ghostie seem more threatening.

Actually the worst part of the movie is that the boyfriend Ben KNOWS something bad is happening, but he hides this from his girlfriend.  I was confused actually, because I didn't realize that the boyfriend was the camera guy from the experiment.  I thought it just switched to a random couple with no connection to the opening scenes, because you NEVER saw the boyfriend/camera man's face in the video footage of the seance recreation experiment.

Kinda cheap, but horror is rife with the cheap tricks.  Whatever works eh?  In any case, Ben is a shitty fucking boyfriend.  He saw that girl get sucked into blackness, and you know what?  That was his girlfriend!  OMG what a douchey guy.  He eventually gets found out and tries to explain his douchey behaviour, saying he thought if she didn't know about the experiment, she'd be safe.  Whatever guy, and what a load of paternalistic crap too.

Actually none of the haunting stuff makes any sense, nor the ghostbustery stuff that is supposed to create the monster, or let the entity come through or whatever the bullshit story was.  There was no logic to it.  I think it was likely written backwards -  dude thought of some spooky scenes he could shoot and strung them together with the story attached awkwardly with lots of metaphorical duct tape.

The movie is gonna appeal to teenagers and they probably won't even mind that it's a dumb flick that makes no sense, because they likely haven't experienced many good horror films.  Unfortunately this one does nothing to change that situation either.

Safety Not Guaranteed

directed by Colin Trevorrow (2012)

A movie based on a meme?  I had my doubts but it's actually a good indie flick with a couple great character arcs, with some real tension to the story brought about by you wondering if there's a time machine or not.   It's sweet and funny and poignant and romantic and it's got good morals too.  It has some crazy bashing at the beginning, but on the whole it redeems itself with the idea of respecting people and being honest about who you are, the value of relationships, etc etc. I really enjoyed it.

It's produced by the Duplass brothers, (Jeff Who Lives At Home)  and stars Mark Duplass as the man with the plan, the ad,  and the time machine? There lies the mystery.  Also there's Jake M. Johnson as a an assholey magazine writer? editor? on a road trip out of Seattle supposedly to check out the story behind the classified, but really he sees it as a vacay opportunity to look up an ex while exploiting his interns - Aubrey Plaza and Karan Soni.  The interactions between Duplass and Plaza are where the heart of the story lies, also much of the humour.  Plaza is especially good with the deadpan cynicism, but the movie is ultimately about abandoning the comfort of cynicism.  I'd suggest you don't watch the trailer unless you enjoy having the majority of the plot points spoiled.   Or watch it if you like knowing the shape and colour of a flick beforehand, but personally I think that creates a less satisfying movie experience.

Here's a song from it I really liked - it doesn't wreck the story.

This trailer gives some background to the development of the flick, more than it telegraphs the story.

And this is the trailer where you it's pretty much whoomp there it is, we've connected most all the dots for you already.

Bernie

directed by Richard Linklater (2011)

I went into this cold, knowing only that it starred Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, and Matthew McConaughey and I think that is the BEST way to see this movie - knowing nothing about it AT ALL.  It will suprise you and isn't that one of the greatest things in life - when something surprises you?  When a movie can do that, it's like a present you weren't even expecting.

So don't read anymore if you ain't seen it yet, because now I'm gonna head into spoiler territory.  (Don't watch the trailer - it pretty much tells you everything that happens.)

It's a based on a true story of a 1996 murder in Texas.  I thought it was a regular old made up story, and when I realized at the end, that it really happened, and that those townspeople were the actual spectators to the incident talking about a real person and a real murder, well I was just delighted.  Not that this awful crime took place - it was a terrible thing Bernie did -  more that this movie was made ya know?  The best most genius part was having how the interviews with the townspeople were intermingled with the recreations of the relationship between Bernie and Marjorie.

It's such a great story too, like they tagline says, "A story so unbelievable it must be true."  And I thought it was so appropriate how it was structured, starting off showcasing Bernie's unbelievable goodness.  You can't help but like and root for Bernie.  Even though he shot an old lady 4 times IN THE BACK, then stuffed her in a freezer, you still want to forgive him.  It shine's a light on this peculiar aspect of the human condition - how prejudiced we all are, and how easily we can be swayed to forgive when we like a person.   With our friends, or people who are likeable, we'll want to cut them slack,  and give them a break, but for people we don't like, or who we can't relate to?  All those wrongdoers?? Well they can go to hell.

It's the American way, well acually it's the way most people are the world over.  Unfortunately, as a people, we are highly and irrationally prejudicial.

It's a good flick.  Well worth your time.  I really enjoyed it. I also thought Jack Black's role would have been great for Zach Galifianakis.

Coriolanus

directed by Ralph Fiennes (2011)

I didn't even know there was a play called Coriolanus.  Shakespeare no less.  It set me up the bomb, thinking dayum, why ain't this ever been made into a movie?  Is it Shakespeare's shittiest work or what?  What's the story mang?

Well, I dunno why this isn't more popular, probably because it's too bloodthirsty.  Joe was hating on it, feeling bored and eye rolly of it.  We got into a heated discussion about how believable or translatable it is to modern times.

It's done up with modern trappings. No Togas, or laurel wreaths.  Instead of Roman garb,  soldier/general Coriolanus wears a conventional uniform, a dressier one when he's getting his accolades with the politicians and in green battle fatigues when he's in the field killing the enemy like the super soldier he is.

That's another aspect that bugged Joe.  The whole idea of a super soldier.

I felt like it was condemning of a militaristic ideology, while he more felt it promoted and glorified one, because it neglected to include other more important factors like who controls the military.  Rogue generals are fewer and farther between in the modern era.  I still feel it was more a story of the individual - another thing that bugged him.  The emphasis on individual actions.

But the personal is political.  Coriolanus's mom, (Vanessa Redgrave), bred herself a super soldier, and he bred himself a son who was gonna be a super soldier too.  The context of the conflict was less important than the essential nature of the conflict, that of one nation or state, subjugating another.  And what does a warrior culture do but justify the need for a warrior class by making sure that war continues.  Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.  This cynical tale shines a light some on the machinations behind the scenes that makes sure the ballet of blood and bullets is a neverending story, and that might be disheartening, but it's honest.  It's human weakness and moral flaws that exacerbate conflict.

I like watching Shakespeare. I like how I have to pay attention to what's going on and try figure out what was said.  I spend much of the time watching in a state of huh?  Whatssat?  Ohhhh ok,  and I don't get that much from most any other kind of flick.  Most flicks are OBVIOUS.   Everything is telegraphed and that can be BORING.  Shakespeare makes you work a bit for your entertainment.

It's got some damn fine scenes of the sexy mens too.  Probably the most war mongery homoerotic flick I've seen since 300, and that starred Gerard Butler too.  Though there might be others that are more sexier, just that I ain't seen them.  I'm not often watching war oriented flicks generally, but I hear they're popular with the macho set.  I'm thinking this might fly with all the dudes what like FPS war games since the action scenes are modern warfare.  Could be a cross promotional venture -   Coriolanus coming soon to a console system near you!!

hand to hand combats - boss fight

The Devil Inside

directed by William Brent Bell (2012)

What a waste of time.  It's a cinema verité faux documentary that starts off with a disclaimer saying, The Vatican did not approve of the following film.  Made me laugh. As if.  The sad thing is there's gotta be some people who will watch it and think it's for real found footage. The same thing happened with The Blair Witch marking in gullible folk.

I'm totally gonna spoil this film so if you want to see it, and I don't recommend that, don't read  the following, because I'm gonna wreck what suspense the film could possibly have for you.

First is a 911 call where Marie Rossi says I killed everybody, next is police footage of the crime scene.  Cop camera viewpoint going into a hoarder's house and coming across 3 dead bodies, lingering on the bloody weapons and mutilated corpses. These scenes were graphic and gross.  Then there's a jump scare with movement and the camera person getting knocked over and the film cutting to black. Then you get TV news report footage saying that 3 clergy were murdered and a woman was found in a crawlspace.  You see her in the back of a squad car looking traumatised and wide eyed into the camera.   This was 1999, and that was the set up.  Cut to 2009 and Isabella Rossi, the daughter of Marie Rossi, the murder lady, is looking into what happened, and making a documentary of her investigational process.  Her dad died and just before he died, he told her the murders happened while the mom was being exorcised.

Aside from the creepy opening scenes, all this exposition stuff is fairly boring,  but it picks up a bit when she jets off to Rome and the Vatican City backdrops add a lot to the atmosphere. 

For whatever reason, I guess to be more cinematic?  More religious mysteriouso?  The mom was transferred to a mental hospital in Italy.  Riiiight.  Whatever, you go with these kinda things in horror flicks, suspend the disbelief ifen you can eh?  So the daughter sees her mom in the hospital after a Silence of the Lambs kinda interview with the mom's doctor, where he shows her a video of the mom freaking out and attacking people in her room.  I'm warning you, finger waggin doc says in an Italian accent, religious talk inflames her some.

The mom is creepy crazy cakes, but she knows the daughter had an abortion and she tells her she's going to hell before letting out with a super powered scream that ends the visit.

Isabella hooks up with some exorcists when she audits an exorcism lecture at the Vatican.  I did not realise there were exorcism classes the public could just walk into, nor that they'd be in English.  She meets 2 priests who do undercover exorcisms of people that the Vatican has decided aren't possessed but who the dynamic duo believe actually ARE possessed.  Stupid bureaucracy in the Church eh?  In 1999 the Vatican tightened the rules that meant someone was officially possessed, so there's lots of sick demonic possessed folk falling through the cracks that these two want to save.  I guess there were budget cutbacks or summat, too many exorcisms maybe pissing off Vatican bean counters.  Like how insurance companies get after doctors -  Quit stacking fees and padding your bills with unnecessary medical procedures already!

The daughter shows them footage of her interview with the mom, is my moms possessed? The one British officially licensed? exorcist, (I wonder if they get diplomas or what) tells her she needs to participate in an exorcism then she'll know if her mom is possessed.  I guess you have to see demons in the flesh to recognise them. The exorcism has some spooky contortionist scenes and wall climbing, also some menstrual gushing?!!  All goes well and the girl is ready for life outta the basement.  But back to the moms.  The renegade priests aren't sure she fits all the criteria for possession so they arrange for an interview at the hospital, where they'll use their pupil dilation measurement eye camera.  (If your pupils are dilated over 9 millimetres, you got the evil in you.) Things go bananas at the hospital. The chubby balding priest starts acting weird after, because of transference.  That's when there's more than one demon hanging out in the possessed and it jumps out into someone else.  The British priest is listening to the audio of the exorcist/examination and notices there's more than one voice/language being spoken. Sounds like 4! Also, the demon(s) told him he'd never be forgiven for what he did - it seemed like maybe he killed his exorcist uncle whose footsteps he followed?  I dunno because that thread was left hanging.

Things get stupid.  The Vatican finds out about the botched exorcism/examination. How? I guess the hospital rats them out?  I dunno, the church must be tight with everyone there.  The chubby priest is all moaning about getting excommunicated having bloody noses and eating chicken in the dark. Seriously, he angrily slams the light switch back to dark when Isabella turns it on and goggles at his gobbling food in the black as night kitchen.  uhuh, that's evil behaviour all right, gorging on food in the dark all eating disordered...for shame.

alla time.  He did install 4 in the car.  Anyhow, the chubby priest is upstairs, the lights go out, LOUD noises upstairs, creep upstairs to check on him with by the light of the camera,  priest is fucking scary in the dark making noise, and BAM there he is, eyes all rolled up in his head and long bloody cuts on his arms.   Then he's not there, disappearing and reappearing other places. OOOooo!!! Run Downstairs!!! The police have arrived, British priest warns them, it's not safe to go up there, but brave cop does, and scuffle...oops priest takes his  gun, oh no!  Next is a suicide scene, which was graphic and sad.

The daughter starts having a seizure.  They rush her to the hospital.  She's in a room and the British priest is arguing with a nurse about it not being safe, as medical professionals rush into the room behind her.  Looks like the daughter ripped out the throat of another patient. Blood everywhere on the other patient, but not on the daughter. The priest and the camera man sedate the daughter and steal her from the hospital, taking her to another location for an exorcism, and the nurse nods yeah, take her!! Escape this chaos with the perpetrator! Isabella starts coming to in the car and then the camera man gets possessed and crashes the car.  The end.  What?!!!  I know, what a rip eh? The whole theatre did a disappointed aw! Man! kinda groan.

The last bit before the credits was an url to find out more of what happened to the Rossis .

Whatever.  It was such a shitty ending.  I could have forgave all the boring bits if it had resolved with a proper ending.  It was all leading up to an epic 4 demon exorcism, instead we get this car crash?  Cheap mang.

I get the feeling whoever made this film is hoping to make a prequel, maybe a sequel, and that's why it felt so unfinished.

The trailer is good though, it shows pretty much every spooky scene and is totally creepy.  Watch that a bunch of times and forget the film is my advice.

 Or you could totally ditch everything about this unsatisfying horror and watch INXS do The Devil Inside.  80's rock band FTW!